Help! I’m Surrounded By Haters

Question:

I recently lost a lot of weight. I have lots more to lose and am losing it, but some people I thought were friends are not supportive. They were happier when I was unhealthy and unhappy. It’s hurting me. How do you suggest I handle the let down and pain?

Congratulations on your weight lost. It represents your ability to be disciplined and your desire to take ownership of your life. I celebrate with you. To your question, many people, including me, have had moments when we discover that the people that we choose to be our friends aren’t friends at all. Of course, it is hurtful, disappointing, and agonizing to think that we didn’t see or respond to the red flags before. Although it is difficult to understand, I encourage you to embrace it and thank God for it. This isn’t about them, this is about you. It is your gift. It is your lesson. If you point the finger at them, you will miss the opportunity to grow and discover new and exciting things about yourself. And, I assure you that, if you shift, you will be in position to attract to you friends that will embrace you for who you are.

Here is an excerpt from my book There Is More Inside that shares what I did when my “friends” turned their back on me.

DON’T LET REJECTION STOP YOU

Every person has to face and accept rejection throughout his or her
life. The important thing is to not take rejection personally. Sometimes
your friends don’t like you. Your boyfriend doesn’t like you or your boss
doesn’t like you. Some people in the church don’t like you. You’re not
light enough. You’re not dark enough. You’re not tall enough. You’re not
short enough. Your hair is too short. Your hair is too long. You’re too fat.
You’re too skinny. None of this is true, because your look is right for your
path. You are divinely made for your calling. You’re just right for your
purpose. So, with the power you have within you, rise above the haters.

My first major head-on collision with rejection came when I was
fifteen. I’m not saying this was my first encounter with rejection; just my
first major blow. When I was twelve I began developing what I thought
would be lifelong friendships with three other girls. We went to house
parties together, we shared secrets, we worked at McDonald’s together,
and we tried to teach each other everything we were learning along the
way. Nevertheless, after spending numerous hours talking about boys, sex,
tampons, and how to be beautiful, in a single day our friendship ended.
The story is short and simple. These girls came to me and said that
they could no longer be my friend because I was black. They said their
parents were putting pressure on them to dismiss our friendship. What’s
amazing is that I was able to deal with losing my best friends. I didn’t
even spend energy talking about it. I didn’t miss a beat. I decided they’re
entitled to pick their friends and if they want it to be based on color, so be
it. It was their loss. I knew that I was a true, loyal friend.
When you overcome rejection, as I did, you lose something and you
gain something. In every case, what I gained was so much greater than
what I lost. It didn’t always feel like it at the time, but when you look for
the good you’ll find it. This fact gives me comfort in each challenge that I
face.

There will be times when it seems that life is demanding more from
you than you think you’re able to give, but I believe it is God’s way of
showing us the strength He has placed in us. Most of us can’t even
conceive of what is in us.

Be well, There Is More Inside, S. Renee

Share your story. Join the conversation by leaving your comment below.

© Copyright 2010. All rights reserved.

ONLY IF LOVE TAKES YOU THERE

As a positive, focused, high-energy level four soul, I thought that the days of senseless agony and spiritual torment were long gone. But I recently experienced divine intervention and received spiritual enlightenment concerning a personal decision that I felt needed my immediate attention. In opening my spiritual senses to a fresh idea, I have found a new way of settling my spirit and getting a much needed good night’s sleep, even in the midst of facing pivotal life-changing decisions.

This year is a transitional year for me in both the spiritual and physical worlds. As I’m about to reach the completion of four decades on this side, I have found myself facing unexpected moments of uncertainty and emotional confusion. To bring calm back into my life, as always, I performed an internal self-check. I cleared out all thoughts and evaluated my own emotional and spiritual state. Once I thought that all systems were go, I asked myself: Renee, is this decision based on a deep rooted fear or is it based on your destiny? As I quietly sat in my meditation room and waited for God to respond in a profound, revolutionary way, I didn’t hear, feel, or see ANYTHING! This was unusual I thought, and, like many of us, I attached an explanation to the silence: “Wait on the Lord and be of good courage.” I never thought that I could be hindering God from communicating a very simple message to me.

With my perceived notions and high expectations of how God works and how to make a “good decision” I continued on my journey while being sub-consciously consumed with how I should proceed in this area of my life. As days passed I could feel my body becoming tense, anxious, and an unusual, long forgotten yet identifiable energy was surrounding me. No, it wasn’t the devil. It was my own whirlwind of conflicting thoughts swirling around me.

What started out as settle uncertainty began to mushroom into a full blown state of conscious anxiety. This was not good and I knew it. So, I raised my spiritual awareness to match the moment. In that instant, God made a simple, clear statement. He said, “Only Go There If Love Takes You There.” Ah, ha! I got it! God was teaching me a new way of making decisions. It doesn’t matter where you are going, what you are doing, or what decision you need to make, this is an uncomplicated formula. If the intent in your heart isn’t in harmony with love then you are going in the wrong direction.

What I now declare— as my truth— is that a person’s soul level doesn’t determine his or her experiences. The person’s soul level only determines how quickly and effectively it can acknowledge and apply spiritual weaponry, which is God’s favor and truth to the circumstance. If the truth that I have shared about “going only where love takes you” vibrates with your spirit and you want to use this prescription for successful decision making, then consider the following.

1. Ask yourself, “What am I doing (or saying) and how does it serve others?” Although many of us react to what another person says or does, I don’t believe that most people are intentionally malicious. I believe that many people who walk on the path “lack knowledge” and thereby suffer from a severe case of low self-esteem. When we don’t understand ourselves, we feel powerless. When we feel powerless we compare, complain, judge and try to manipulate others. What is in your heart? Why is it in your heart? How can you release your negative intent toward yourself and others and replace it with the light of love?

2. Ask yourself, “Do I freely offer my time, talents, and services without expectation of reimbursement?” World systems do not carry over into spiritual systems. When you do something with the anticipation of a returned favor, you may gain the favor, but miss the divine blessing from God. Check your intent. Do you spread hypocrisy by showing greater respect and care for certain people because of what they can offer you in return? Remember, Jesus did not come for those who are well; Jesus came for those who need a divine
healer. Why are you here? Who do you enthusiastically serve?

3. Ask yourself, “Am I being driven by love?” We say and do all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons. In some cases, we don’t know why we’re doing them. And in other cases, we do them for egotistical, self-gratifying reasons. Check yourself. Only go there if love takes you there!

S. Renee, The New Edge in Motivational Speaking™ is an image consultant, motivational speaker, columnist and author of There Is More Inside. For booking information visit www.srenee.com.Copyrights © 2010 by S. Renee Smith All rights reserved. No part of this article may be copied or reproduced without the written permission by the author

New Dimensional Thinking: How to Make a Quantum Leap in Your Confidence

Hello Ms. Renee,

I need your help. I often doubt myself in most situations. For example: I often think I won’t be able to handle the classes my major requires—physics and chemistry. Math and science are my worst subjects. I can do the work, but I will just have to work so hard at it. It drives me crazy. I try to stay encouraged, and stand on God’s word,  but my main phobia is failing. I get so discouraged when I don’t do as well as I would like to.  Can you help me get over this crisis, please?

Hello Friend:

Thank you for your courageous question. Every day each of us are faced with thoughts, feelings, and challenges that force us to face ourselves and who we claim we are.  That’s what confidence building is—evolving to a state of consciousness where we no longer freeze in doubt, but, instead, know that whatever decisions we make we can handle the outcome. In There Is More Inside, I explain that confidence is learning to trust yourself with your own life.

I’m not sure if we ever earn our own complete trust. I believe, however, that the better the decisions; the better the outcomes. Successful outcomes develop the trust that one needs to build a confident relationship with him/herself.

As I access your email and concerns it is clear that you are, as an older and wiser friend shared with me, “turning on yourself.” The admission that you “often think I won’t be able to handle the classes…” tells me that there is a battle. Like an argument with a loved one, internal battles drain our energy and occupy needed thought space for other important matters. This is what causes chaos and creates fog in our lives.

Quantum leaps always start in the mind. You may have faith to begin the journey, but do you have the belief system to sustain yourself over the course of the trip? As in your case, you had the faith to start college. Do you believe that you can finish it? It is important to have faith. It is equally important to have belief in the faith that you claim you have. You can’t “stand on God’s word.” You have to know and understand the laws and principles so that you can move in God’s word.

You claim that, “Math and science are my worst subjects…it drives me crazy. I get discouraged when I don’t do as well as I would like to.”  I hope that the results don’t come as a surprise to you. Words travel farther than you can see them go. Creating the life you ask them to create. Think of it this way. If you sent a package via one of the express carriers to China, you would expect it to arrive safely. Every word you speak arrives safely to the Creator. The Creator then assists you in creating what you’ve asked for. But, remember, you asked for it. It’s never about what you can or cannot do. You’re not the first person challenged in a subject. And, you most certainly, won’t be the last.

What did the individuals who were in your shoes do? They studied more, got a tutor, and joined a study group. I don’t believe that you are in a crisis. The person who doesn’t have access to food, shelter, clothing, education, and safety is in a crisis. You are learning, growing, and evolving into the person that the internal, real you knows that you are. When you seek, you will find the answer. Remain Powerful and always remember that There Is More Inside.

2009 © SRS Productions, Inc., S. Renee

The response is only the opinion of S. Renee. She doesn’t state any claims or make any demands that her opinion is right or that anyone should follow her advice. If you feel that you should seek medical assistance you are encouraged to do so.

Does Your Body Match Your Brand?

Over the years, regardless of race, age or gender, I have found that the size and shape of our bodies and body parts are of great concern to many of us. Instead of accepting and understanding that we are divinely made and the size of our bodies and body parts serve a specific and meaningful purpose, it is obvious that the images we consume on a daily basis impact our self-perception. I believe that these images distort our understanding of our divinity and sometimes take us off course.

I do, however, understand why we obsess over ourselves and our outer appearance. Statistically speaking there is a direct correlation in our looks and how much money we make. According to Sociologists Drs. Samantha Kwan and Mary Nell Trautner, “physical attractiveness is associated with a number of positive outcomes, including employment benefits such as hiring, wages, and promotion, and is correlated with social and personal rewards such as work satisfaction, positive perceptions of others, and higher self-esteem.”

On January 17, 2008, Faking Good Breeding posted a blog entitled, Beauty and Success. The author shared the following: Science Daily published an article that included a recent study showing that attractive people often receive better job positions and pay than average looking applicants. The study found that women were more likely to give high status packages to attractive men than men gave to attractive women. Isn’t that a trip?

I, like many of you, seek to achieve and maintain my personal best. In doing so, I’ve hired a personal trainer, regulate what I eat–but, like President Obama with cigarette smoking, at times, I slip off the wagon–and before going out play I put on sunscreen. I have to confess that, from my days of modeling, I still secretly shadow my nose (There Is More Inside Page 32) . As I explain in There Is More Inside, one of my clients told me I had a “big” nose and I needed to make it appear thinner. Ten years later, I continue to shadow my nose so that it will appear slimmer. Some may categorize my behavior as ingrained self-hate. Adding that if I were in a different country the standard would be different and thereby my behaviors would be different. I wouldn’t argue that point. However, I’m not in a different country. I’m in America. I believe how I present myself builds on the image that I’ve created. That image substantiates my brand.

I can’t see myself having any creditability as an image consultant or motivational speaker if my body and appearance doesn’t reflect what I’m selling. Perhaps you’re thinking that my message is, There Is More Inside.  That is true. I believe, however, that what’s inside is showcased through how I treat myself and my body.

I had a client who is a “motivational speaker.” When I saw him speak for the first time I was taken aback by his appearance. His pants were too long, his tie was too short, and he was approximately 100 pounds overweight. His image didn’t match his message and, therefore, directly impacted his brand. As a coach, I had to ask him some tough questions: Who is your targeted audience? Would the people in your audience look to you for answers? If so, why? What do you have that they want? Does your physical appearance match your message of hope, perseverance, and achievement? Is your message believable?

Branding doesn’t discriminate. It isn’t about being a particular size or shape. It does, however, require you to authentically show up. Does your body match your brand? If you are unsure, here are five questions to ask yourself to determine if you need to shape up.

  1. What is my brand?
  2. What problem do I solve?
  3. Do I look like the solution that I offer?
  4. Would I buy from me?
  5. What should I change to make my brand more believable?

I invite you to leave your comments or questions, and don’t forget to tell a friend.

New Dimensional Thinking: Are You Ready to Make a Quantum Leap?

In May 2009, I awakened to the realization that I was moving up within the level that I was use to operating on, but I wasn’t moving to another personal, professional, and spiritual dimension. I now know that there are step-by-step movements within each level. And, there are quantum leaps that lead to another dimension. Quantum leaps require stamina, focus, discipline, and the ability to graciously walk through intense turbulence with unshakable faith. The developmental process of quantum leaps is designed to sharpen discernment and discretion. From a spiritual perspective, I believe, the process is the prelude to a multi-level impact on the world.

Unlike level-to-level movement, quantum leaps are deliberate and intentional. A decision must be made to ask, seek, and find a new space to occupy and to make an impact. Once the decision is made and steps are taken, you’ll be introduced to who you really are in the present moment. There’s no faking during the quantum leap process–either you’re ready or you’re not.

Because of the intensity and speed in which you’ll grow, it’s not long before experiences are created for you to assess your readiness for the journey. In short, you’ll discover the truth of what you have learned, processed, and applied over the years. By the nature of the process, you’ll be exposed to what you know about the spiritual world, how it operates, and how to successfully and appropriately use the principals. If you’re not ready, you will swiftly concede and willing withdrawal yourself.

You don’t have to be “saved” to make a quantum leap. No one religion has the monopoly on quantum leaps. In fact, it’s just the opposite. It’s not about religion, denomination, or who is acknowledged as God, the creator, Spirit, or universe. It’s about the principals that every spiritually-driven human being understands about the unlimited opportunities to create from a spiritual perspective. Some people have even used the principals without acknowledging a God—they just apply the principals.

If you want learn more about New Dimensional Thinking, join me for a FREE teleseminar on Monday, September 14 at 8 p.m. Register Now! In the meantime, here are a few quick tips:

  1. Get in to alignment. New Dimensional Thinking requires alignment with Spirit. This is a process of syncing body, mind, spirit, and soul. Consider our TIMI Top Model Mentorship Program.
  2. Assess your life. There are people and situations that keep you at a low vibration. You have to ask, will this person or situation serve me moving forward? If yes, how. If no, have the courage to let him/her or it go. Download  There Is More Inside: How to Live a Power-packed Life.
  3. Create order in your life. External chaos mirrors internal nonsense. There is order in the spiritual world. When our lives and living space doesn’t have order, it makes it difficult to live in light, love, and truth.

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