Letting Go of Failed Performances

I know it can be hard to stop the tape playing over in your mind. What happened, how it happened and what you wish didn’t happened. But remember, people understand making mistakes. In fact, it is likely that you are thinking about it more than anyone else.

When you require yourself to hit the bull’s-eye every time, you create a false expectation of yourself and others. Subsequently, you probably find it difficult to accept your mistakes and forgive others for theirs. The greater shame is that you miss the good fortune of the mistake — the lesson. Plus, you set the conditions for yourself to have to repeat it again.

Letting go requires three steps:

1. Acknowledge responsibility.

Without shame or guilt, take responsibility for the mistake.

2. Look for and learn the lesson.

You subconsciously created the lesson. Understand what you were to learn.

3. Share what you learned with someone else.

By sharing the lesson with someone else, you replace your feelings of disappointment with feeling of gratitude for the opportunity to help someone else. This is how you mature. Additionally, when you share the lesson, it works as therapy for you in that it releases its power over you.

By the way, don’t let imperfect people hold you to a perfect standard.

This is an excerpt from the book Self-Esteem for Dummies. For my free 90-minute audio course sign up here, How to Create Buzz and Grow Your Life and Business. 

Copyright 2018. All rights reserved. S. Renee Smith

 

Convert Anxiety to Empowerment Using Assertiveness for Weaponry During War

Not knowing how to act in a certain situation, and not knowing what the likely outcome will be as a result can certainly cause you to feel anxious. For instance, you head to your boss’ office for your yearly performance review, and you feel a knot forming in your stomach. Or you are having a discussion at a family dinner, the conversation turns contentious, and you become tongue-tied. Or you walk onstage to give a speech and your heart starts uttering and your hands get clammy.

We all have moments when we worry about the outcome of an event. It is unsettling when you’re uncertain about the future, or when a negative situation escalates. Whether the threat is a failed performance, a tongue-lashing, or a fault- nding critique, the anxiety exists because you believe that danger is lurking, which makes you feel unsafe and in need of protection. This feeling of helplessness may cause you to want to escape rather than boldly face the challenge. This reaction is disempowering.

Disempowerment is a result of you telling yourself that you are not equipped to properly handle the situation. You need to assert to yourself that you are the authority over your life. When you practice being assertive, you begin to expect your rights in the communication agreement to be honored.

Maybe you won’t get a good performance review; that’s okay, because you will assertively state your position to your boss, and you will leave the review with the feeling of being heard. Not every person you interact with will like or understand you. In fact, you may have to get up from the dinner table to opt out of taking part in a heated debate. But know this: Empowering yourself with assertive communication skills assures you that you have the capacity to courageously face any challenge with clarity and determination, thereby reducing the anxiety that arises from uncertainty.

5 Steps to Assertiveness

1. Know Your Starting Point: You have to know where you stand in the communication experience. Do you speak up for yourself? Do you often walk away from conversations wishing for what you would have liked to have happened?

2. Listen Assertively. Listen to what’s being said without judging it and funneling it through your issues.

3. Communicate Assertively Without Words. Body language is a very effective resource so use it.

4. Speak Up. Say what you want to say in a way that honors and respects yourself and others.

5. Face Feedback. You can’t critique yourself so let others help you get to where you want to go.

This is an excerpt from my book, 5 Steps to Assertiveness How to Communicate with Confidence and Get What You Want.  Click the link to order now.

Copyrights 2018 S. Renee Smith, www.srenee.com. For speaking or coaching services call 888-588-0423.

 

Do You Think People Are Unreasonable and Selfish?

As a coach, I’ve had the privilege to hear the perspective of hundreds of people. As a speaker, I’ve crossed paths with thousands. And my personal life is full with interactions with family and friends.

I can’t tell you the number of people I’ve coach who come to me because they believe their boss, colleague or spouse is selfish and unreasonable. I’ve even talk to women who believe that because a man will not marry them they are selfish and unreasonable. I have to confess; I’ve called some people selfish and unreasonable, too.

But why do we feel this way? Is it because they aren’t doing what we believe they should according to our needs and desires?

Consider the following:

People are complex. Countless experiences have shaped our perspective on life and the world. We don’t think our perceptions or expectations of others are unreasonable or selfish because it’s based on how we see it. When a person doesn’t do what satisfies us we label them as selfish and unreasonable, but is there a small chance that we could be selfish and unreasonable?

Identify the person’s agenda. Everyone has an agenda and they should. An agenda is simply a vision for what you want. The vision guides decisions. Make sure there is a connection point for a mutually satisfying relationship.

Recognize your power to choose. You have complete power over your life and the role that people play in it. Maybe it’s time to move them to your outer circle or completely out of your space.

Consider adding Self-Esteem for Dummies to your reading list for insights and exercises that will show you how to find and stand in your power.

Copyright 2018 S. Renee Smith. All rights reserved. 

Not Out of Obligation, But Appreciation

I want to quickly share a conversation that I hope will inspire you this Christmas Day.

A friend invited me to her home to celebrate Christmas Eve with her family. My heart wanted to be there, but

I wasn’t sure my tired body would sustain my heart’s desire. I told her that I planned to be there. She said, “I understand your work schedule, you don’t have to come out of obligation.” I said, “I wouldn’t come out of obligation, I would come out of appreciation. You love and support me, sis. I want to come and support you.”

Over the course of our 15-year friendship, I’ve seen many pieces of her life. I’ve met most of her family, but I hadn’t seen them all together. It was a joy to watch the personalities, relationship dynamics, and the spirit of Christmas gleam from her four children, four grandchildren, one in-law, former husband and family friend (who is due to deliver her second child any day) and her daughter.

I had an incredible time eating, laughing, and exchanging hopes, fears, dreams, and stories of God’s miraculous moves in our lives.

The spirit of Christmas reminds us of the appreciation and adoration of the incredible gift of life that changed the course of the universe. Jesus didn’t come out of obligation, he came out of appreciation for who we are and what we can become.

My prayer is that every moment you spend celebrating with those closest to you will be felt with the same level of love, freedom, and elevated awareness that Jesus bought to the plant.

There Is More Inside, YOU!

God Bless you, I love you, Merry Christmas!

Join the innercircle of self-esteem and branding expert S. Renee at www.srenee.com

How to Develop Confidence

Like you, I’ve had moments that have shaken my confidence and nearly shut me down. Specifically, I faced two painful personal rejections within 30 days of one another. My fiancé walked out of my life and I was fired from my job. The self-development skills I developed over the years helped save me from spiraling out of control. Here are a few confidence building tips for you. If you want more strategies consider Self-Image: You Have the POWER! Audio Download

© 2013 All rights reserved. S. Renee, SRS Productions, Inc., There Is More Inside®

Are You Ready?

Now that the shift has happened and we are being awakened to the greater purpose for which we’ve been sent to planet earth, we have to prepare ourselves for this new way of thinking and operating. We’re being called to open our hearts to each other and instead of selfishly working for our own good, God is challenging us to work according to His plan for the universe.

It’s easy to nod our heads in acceptance to the call. However, the work comes in removing our protective barriers and opening our hearts while aligning our behaviors so that Spirit, without resistance or judgment, can flow through us.

I don’t know about you, but I have to confess that it’s been a challenge to crystalize the vision and a little overwhelming to get a grip on how to successfully fulfill my assignments. Oprah asks, “What do you know for sure?” What I now know for sure is that I’ll never have all the answers. But, I do have access to the answer for each moment that I’m given. And–that’s enough for me.

Here’s why. There are Angelic forces that work on your and my behalf. While we’re thinking, pondering and sending our requests to God, the Angels are moving and prompting the people who are appointed to help us complete our tasks. What I’m noticing is that often, people will find and reach out to us and we then become witnesses of own life. I’m in awe of God’s divine system.

Recently, I’ve had three such breathtaking moments when the call came with no effort on my part, but to stay in my lane and do the work I’ve been asked to do.

Woman w/ Sign

  • I received an email for an interview from Urbanette Magazine Reporter Vanessa Ness. Urbanette is the longest running women’s online magazine. Here’s a sample of her thought-provoking questions.

Urbanette: Does gender play a role in one’s tendency to build inspiration through group dynamics?

S. Renee: …Inspiration is arousing someone to act on something. It’s often used as a spiritual term to denote in spirit, which means that through Spirit one is caused to act. There is a good spirit and a bad spirit…Read more

If the interview speaks to you, please leave a comment, “Like” it, email, tweet, etc. Your response is necessary to continue to help raise the spiritual consciousness of all people in various industries.

  • Ola Jackson, Founder and CEO, OWN: Onyx Woman Network requested that I join two other dynamic women to discuss Life as an Entrepreneur. Click the title to listen to the 30-minute interview. If you’re thinking about starting a business, the challenges you hear during this interview may scare you, but the stories are real. If you have a business, listen to avoid devastating pitfalls and to be inspired by how you can overcome them.
I hope you’re encouraged to continue the journey. At times, it feels like a mammoth of a task, but it’s our duty to prepare daily for our charge. I’m in prayerful support of your divine desires. Continue to hold on to truth–there is more.

Free free to leave your comment below. If you want to become a part of my innercircle visit srenee.com. Or, to get a FREE audio download of Chapter 2 of my book There Is More Inside visit www.bullied2lead.com. Or, for 10 days of inspiration and growth get your downloads at www.coachsrenee.com.

2012 Copyrights. All Rights Reserved.

© 2012 All rights reserved. S. Renee, SRS Productions, Inc., There Is More Inside®

WHAT YOU HAVE IN COMMON WITH KUNG FU PANDA

In the movie Kung Fu Panda 2, Master Shifu tells Kung Fu Master Po that he needs to reach another frontier: inner peace. This opens up questions for Master Po. While pondering his existence, Master Po is called to fight a pack of wolves. In the midst of fighting the wolves he has flashbacks of his mother. With his energies diverted thinking about the past, he loses his personal power and the wolves escape. For greater self-awareness, Po begins a search for answers. Po asks the goose who found him when he was an infant in a crate of radishes and adopted him, “Where did I come from?” The goose was unable to provide satisfactory answers, so Po digs deeper and begins to ask himself: Who am I?

Intensely bothered by the lack of a resolution to his existential questions, Po is unable to concentrate. He loses battle after battle and consequently the faith of the other Kung Fu warriors whom he leads. The truth is known by Lord Shen, a peacock and evil ruler, who deceptively told Po that his parents had abandoned him. Unaccepting of Lord Shen’s story, Po continued his quest.

Guided by a soothsayer back to his past, Po learns the truth: that his parents did not abandon him, but rather sacrificed their lives to save his. This news strengthened Po’s heart. Returning to himself and a place of inner peace, Po attempts to convince Lord Shen to let go of his own unpleasant past. Shen refused to embrace self-empowerment and enlightenment. The driving forces of unforgiveness, bitterness, and jealousy compelled Shen to continue his ambitious pursuit to destroy Po.

During an attack of Shen’s furious rage, Po uses a kung fu technique that redirects Shen’s negative energy back to himself. Shen inadvertently cuts the rope releasing the last cannon ball—killing himself. Po, however, resumed authentically living his brand as the Dragon Master.

Since the beginning of time humanity has struggled with the questions: Who am I? Where did I come from? Why am I here? What is my purpose? What are my values? What makes me happy? What happens to me after I leave here? As we examine cultures and their political climates, societies struggle with these same questions. Most often the answers change as we grow, develop, and evolve. What I find interesting is that we frequently end up where we start, leading me to believe that we know the answers, but choose to explore our options, which is, perhaps, required for our growth.

©2011 All rights reserved. The Bridge to Your Brand Likeability, Marketability, Credibility  available in paperback.  You can read the first two chapters at www.srenee.com.