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Visit us at www.srenee.com and sign up for more inspiration.
As a coach, I’ve had the privilege to hear the perspective of hundreds of people. As a speaker, I’ve crossed paths with thousands. And my personal life is full with interactions with family and friends.
I can’t tell you the number of people I’ve coach who come to me because they believe their boss, colleague or spouse is selfish and unreasonable. I’ve even talk to women who believe that because a man will not marry them they are selfish and unreasonable. I have to confess; I’ve called some people selfish and unreasonable, too.
But why do we feel this way? Is it because they aren’t doing what we believe they should according to our needs and desires?
Consider the following:
People are complex. Countless experiences have shaped our perspective on life and the world. We don’t think our perceptions or expectations of others are unreasonable or selfish because it’s based on how we see it. When a person doesn’t do what satisfies us we label them as selfish and unreasonable, but is there a small chance that we could be selfish and unreasonable?
Identify the person’s agenda. Everyone has an agenda and they should. An agenda is simply a vision for what you want. The vision guides decisions. Make sure there is a connection point for a mutually satisfying relationship.
Recognize your power to choose. You have complete power over your life and the role that people play in it. Maybe it’s time to move them to your outer circle or completely out of your space.
Consider adding Self-Esteem for Dummies to your reading list for insights and exercises that will show you how to find and stand in your power.
Copyright 2018 S. Renee Smith. All rights reserved.
Living in a society that claims the lack of confidence is bad and encourages one to believe in themselves, but then accuses them of being arrogant or self-absorbed when they do, makes it difficult to know how much confidence is too much.
In my first book, There Is More Inside: Personal Essentials to Living Power-Packed Life I define confidence as “trusting your opinion of yourself more than you trust other people’s opinion about you.” Using this definition calls us to ask the question: can we trust our opinion of ourselves more than we trust other people’s opinion about us far too much?
I don’t believe so.
Getting to the point of fully trusting yourself is a lifelong journey. Yet, as we travel that path people will say things like “he thinks he’s all that” or “she thinks she thinks she’s cute.”
The reality of this assertion is the person making it thinks she thinks she thinks she’s cute. Did you get that? 🙂
Based on the definition shared above, that person’s opinion shouldn’t be in the equation so keep growing and trusting yourself, you’ll be glad you did.
It’s easy to nod our heads in acceptance to the call. However, the work comes in removing our protective barriers and opening our hearts while aligning our behaviors so that Spirit, without resistance or judgment, can flow through us.
I don’t know about you, but I have to confess that it’s been a challenge to crystalize the vision and a little overwhelming to get a grip on how to successfully fulfill my assignments. Oprah asks, “What do you know for sure?” What I now know for sure is that I’ll never have all the answers. But, I do have access to the answer for each moment that I’m given. And–that’s enough for me.
Here’s why. There are Angelic forces that work on your and my behalf. While we’re thinking, pondering and sending our requests to God, the Angels are moving and prompting the people who are appointed to help us complete our tasks. What I’m noticing is that often, people will find and reach out to us and we then become witnesses of own life. I’m in awe of God’s divine system.
Recently, I’ve had three such breathtaking moments when the call came with no effort on my part, but to stay in my lane and do the work I’ve been asked to do.
- I received an email for an interview from Urbanette Magazine Reporter Vanessa Ness. Urbanette is the longest running women’s online magazine. Here’s a sample of her thought-provoking questions.
Urbanette: Does gender play a role in one’s tendency to build inspiration through group dynamics?
S. Renee: …Inspiration is arousing someone to act on something. It’s often used as a spiritual term to denote in spirit, which means that through Spirit one is caused to act. There is a good spirit and a bad spirit…Read more
If the interview speaks to you, please leave a comment, “Like” it, email, tweet, etc. Your response is necessary to continue to help raise the spiritual consciousness of all people in various industries.
- Ola Jackson, Founder and CEO, OWN: Onyx Woman Network requested that I join two other dynamic women to discuss Life as an Entrepreneur. Click the title to listen to the 30-minute interview. If you’re thinking about starting a business, the challenges you hear during this interview may scare you, but the stories are real. If you have a business, listen to avoid devastating pitfalls and to be inspired by how you can overcome them.
- I was again invited back to participate on a panel at the National Association of Black Journalist Conference in New Orleans. Last year I met and shared the stage with other successful authors. I’m in deep gratitude for God’s purposeful, strategic move on my behalf.
Free free to leave your comment below. If you want to become a part of my innercircle visit srenee.com. Or, to get a FREE audio download of Chapter 2 of my book There Is More Inside visit www.bullied2lead.com. Or, for 10 days of inspiration and growth get your downloads at www.coachsrenee.com.
© 2012 All rights reserved. S. Renee, SRS Productions, Inc., There Is More Inside®
My thoughts and prayers are with the family and friends of Phoebe Prince, other families who have experienced such a tragedy and every person who has ever been wound in the crossfire of bullies. Like Phoebe, I moved to a new school and they, the bullies were there waiting for me. Here’s my story as shared in There IS More Inside.
“We often empower undeserving people by allowing them to tell us
who we are and how far we can go. We put our faith and trust in them.
The truth is, what do they know about us and what God has for us? Set
your own standards and watch others respect and follow you. You will
eventually develop a confidence that says, “I know who I am, I know
where I’m going, and I’m excited to be on the right path.” Stay focused.
Be consistent in who you are and just watch your reputation of respect
I can recall when I first understood this profound lesson. When I was
growing up there were two middle schools. They both taught fifth
through eighth grades. I attended fifth and half of sixth grade at Central
Middle. There I was teased, picked on, my lunch money was taken, and I
was constantly threatened by the bullies. I was terrified. The only thing I
could think about was how I could fit in. What did I need to do to fit in?
How could I win these people over? Their reign of terror came to an end
when I moved to a new neighborhood, which required me to attend
William Henry Middle School.
As with most people, I was concerned about being accepted and liked.
I wondered if the kids would harass me as they did at the old school. But
I decided that that wasn’t going to happen. This was a new start for me
and I was going to build my reputation differently.
I wasn’t going to be the timid, “I don’t know what I want, you can take
advantage of me” person anymore. But when I got there, it was more than a
notion. Of course, there was the bully and her entourage waiting to put fear in my
heart.What was I going to do? I wasn’t a fighter. In fact, I feared fighting
even when I wasn’t the one fighting. But this was my moment. I had to
dig deep and find the courage to be me. This meant that I had to do what
I most feared doing — stand up for myself and make my position known.
Not only to them, but to myself.
The group of girls invited me to join their group. But I didn’t want to,
because I understood the consequences of being part of such a group. It
meant that there was one leader and everyone else were followers. If one
leader didn’t like someone, the rest of the group didn’t either. Being in
this group meant that someone else would dictate how I should feel and
act toward others. That wasn’t me. Those days were over! I wanted to be
me. I wanted to be friends with everyone. I tried to get these girls to
understand, but they turned on me. They started by trying to intimidate
me with the “I don’t like you” stuff. It didn’t work. So, they decided that
they were going to beat me up!
We were in gym class and each girl took
her turn hitting me in the back of the head as she ran by. I sat quietly and
watched the girls as they laughed and joked at me. Little did they know
that I was looking for the weakest link. I found her. When she ran by and
hit me, I got up and ran after her. I threw a few punches…thank God it
didn’t last long. Before I knew it, I was in the guidance counselor’s office.
No one could understand why “the good girl was fighting.” After that
incident, I never had to worry about being intimidated by my classmates
again. I did exactly what I said I was going to do. I became friends with
everyone. I was a leader. I was consistent, respectful, and fair to everyone.
I showed that I was a leader. And my classmates honored that. In fact,
two years later the student body voted me Queen and most popular, best
dressed, friendliest, and most reliable!”
I can’t say that my plan will work for every person, but what I do know for sure is that the greatest gift that we can offer our children is teaching them how to love themselves–that’s were the real power is. I also extend my prayers to the bullies and their families. This is not only your lesson this is a lesson for everyone. Hopefully this will change the educational experience every child.
© Copyright 2010. All rights reserved. S. Renee.