What Should I Do When I Don’t Know What to Do?

We all have moments when we don’t know what our next step should be.  It can be an overwhelming and daunting task to figure out what path to take. There are times when you don’t know what to do because you’re not sure what you want and then there are times when you know exactly what you want, but don’t know where or how to get started.

My clients come to be because they are stuck. Either they want to identify their internal barriers to success, figure out their life purpose, land a coveted promotion or after investing thousands of dollars in their business, they still don’t know how to package, pitch and promote themselves and what they do to create buzz and generate interest in them.

Here are my quick-fix suggestions:

1.  Ask for assistance. God has given you an internal guidance system. The only reason you don’t know what to do next is because you’re in a whirlwind of energy that is not your own. Sit with yourself and ask:

  1. What will serve my highest good and that of others?
  2. Who can help me get there?

You’ll be amazed how you are led to what you need when you need it by simply asking.

2. Act on your promptings even if they frighten you. You’ll have a feeling of what you should do. You may think about a person with whom you haven’t spoken to in years, reach out to them. If they don’t have the answer or don’t respond, don’t give up you’ll find the right door if you keep knocking.

3. Invest in yourself. You have to believe in yourself enough to get the information you need to advance your life and career. Be diligent in your pursuit of your passion and happiness. Invest in yourself by hiring a coach that can help with the following or any other needs:

  1.  assess what you have and how you can package, position and promote it
  2. identify your blind spots so that you can see what other people see that may be hindering you from getting what you want
  3. help you sharpen your tools for success

Are you stuck? Do you want to build a speaking business or some other enterprise? Is authoring a book on your list? Do you have your eyes on a new promotion opportunity? Is becoming a better communicator or public speaker on your mind? I’d love to help.  Visit srenee.com for more information and to book your consult.

Copyrights 2018 All rights reserved. S. Renee Smith.

 

Does Social Media Affect Your Self-Esteem?

It’s fair to assume that each person participates on social media for different reasons and with a different level of self-awareness. For this reason, it affects people differently. If your purpose is to get “Likes” and you don’t and you internalize the poor response then, Yes, it could have a negative impact on your self-esteem.

However, if you have little attachment to likes, follows and how people respond to you then, No, it doesn’t carry enough weight to impact your self-esteem.

To gauge where you are, consider these questions:

  1. Why am I on social media?
  2. What am I expecting as a result of my posts?
  3. How do I feel when my expectations aren’t met?
  4. Do I compare myself to others?
  5. How much time do I spend thinking about what does or does not happen on social media?

Consider adding Self-Esteem for Dummies to your reading list for insights and exercises that will show you how to find and stand in your power.

Copyright 2018 S. Renee Smith.

How Can I Tell My 15-Year Old Daughter She’s an Awful Writer?

You don’t!

If you tell your daughter that she is an awful writer, she will never forget it and you could destroy her self-esteem and she will be left with being mentally and emotionally entangled with your opinion of her capacity to become a good writer.

Here’s what happened to me.

In 2000, I was fired from a job for not being able write. In 2005, I wrote my first book, There Is More Inside: Personal Essentials to Living A Power Packed Life. It has sold over 8000 copies. In 2011, I wrote and released, The Bridge to Your Brand Likability, Marketability & Credibility and 2014 Our Hearts Wonder Prayers to Heal Your Heart and Calm Your Soul. In 2014, Wiley hired me to co-write Self-Esteem for Dummies for the world’s best-selling reference brand book series and in November 2017, Callisto Media contacted me to write, 5 Steps to Assertiveness: How to Communicate with Confidence and Get What You Want (May, 2018).

My former boss apologized in 2011, which was long after I needed it. I know it made her feel good. 

Here are the lessons:

My boss had a responsibility to help me to strengthen my writing skills. Instead she disgraced me in front of my staff with her limited opinions. It took me years to overcome her issue—you have a responsibility to help your daughter grow and become the best writer she can be. Don’t degrade her, uplift her.

You never know what God has for her to do in life. Get on the winning side.

It will make you an awful mother to tell her she is an awful writer—and I know you are not an awful mother! With your help, I know she will do great things with that awfulness! 

Copyrights 2018 S. Renee Smith.

Do You Think People Are Unreasonable and Selfish?

As a coach, I’ve had the privilege to hear the perspective of hundreds of people. As a speaker, I’ve crossed paths with thousands. And my personal life is full with interactions with family and friends.

I can’t tell you the number of people I’ve coach who come to me because they believe their boss, colleague or spouse is selfish and unreasonable. I’ve even talk to women who believe that because a man will not marry them they are selfish and unreasonable. I have to confess; I’ve called some people selfish and unreasonable, too.

But why do we feel this way? Is it because they aren’t doing what we believe they should according to our needs and desires?

Consider the following:

People are complex. Countless experiences have shaped our perspective on life and the world. We don’t think our perceptions or expectations of others are unreasonable or selfish because it’s based on how we see it. When a person doesn’t do what satisfies us we label them as selfish and unreasonable, but is there a small chance that we could be selfish and unreasonable?

Identify the person’s agenda. Everyone has an agenda and they should. An agenda is simply a vision for what you want. The vision guides decisions. Make sure there is a connection point for a mutually satisfying relationship.

Recognize your power to choose. You have complete power over your life and the role that people play in it. Maybe it’s time to move them to your outer circle or completely out of your space.

Consider adding Self-Esteem for Dummies to your reading list for insights and exercises that will show you how to find and stand in your power.

Copyright 2018 S. Renee Smith. All rights reserved. 

How to Overcome Feelings of Inferiority

The first step to overcoming any challenge in your life, specifically your feelings of inferiority, is to acknowledge the challenge.

Growing up I had my own internal questions and body sensations that made me feel uneasy as I mentally battled within myself about my worthiness to be in the presence of certain people. I even experienced anxiety to go certain places knowing how I would feel when I got there.

In my book, There Is More Inside Personal Essentials to Living a Power-Packed Life I confessed, “I had my work cut out for me! I liked it when people told me how great I was—how talented, intelligent, and attractive I was. It gave me an external confidence, but inside I still didn’t own this belief myself. I would sabotage great opportunities and blame others when I ‘failed’. Deep within I doubted my abilities and, like most, questioned my existence.”

After doing my work and developing tools to help people to do their‘s, I offer you these starter questions:

  1. Together let’s agree that feeling inferior means that you believe the other person (or people) is more attractive, smarter, richer, or whatever you have told yourself and, therefore they have an advantage over you. Now ask yourself, what do you believe the other person (people) has that you don’t?
  2. Examine where that belief comes from. You believe what you believe based on what you’ve been told, accepted as true and what you have experienced. But is it true? When you don’t examine and challenge your beliefs they can hinder you from moving forward. Ask yourself, what do I believe about myself and others that is causing me to feel this way? And, why do I believe it?                                                                           
  3. Change your story. Now that you have discovered a new truth—own that truth. Change the story you tell yourself about yourself. When you give yourself the gift of a new narrative and different perspective, you’ll create new thoughts, feelings and ideas about yourself and others.

Copyright © 2018 S. Renee Smith.

 

 

Can You Be Too Confident?

Living in a society that claims the lack of confidence is bad and encourages one to believe in themselves, but then accuses them of being arrogant or self-absorbed when they do, makes it difficult to know how much confidence is too much.

In my first book, There Is More Inside: Personal Essentials to Living Power-Packed Life I define confidence as “trusting your opinion of yourself more than you trust other people’s opinion about you.” Using this definition calls us to ask the question: can we trust our opinion of ourselves more than we trust other people’s opinion about us far too much?

I don’t believe so.

Getting to the point of fully trusting yourself is a lifelong journey. Yet, as we travel that path people will say things like “he thinks he’s all that” or “she thinks she thinks she’s cute.”
The reality of this assertion is the person making it thinks she thinks she thinks she’s cute. Did you get that? 🙂

Based on the definition shared above, that person’s opinion shouldn’t be in the equation so keep growing and trusting yourself, you’ll be glad you did.

How to Triumph Over Bullies

My thoughts and prayers are with the family and friends of Phoebe Prince, other families who have experienced such a tragedy and every person who has ever been wound in the crossfire of bullies. Like Phoebe, I moved to a new school and they, the bullies were there waiting for me. Here’s my story as shared in There IS More Inside.

“We often empower undeserving people by allowing them to tell us
who we are and how far we can go. We put our faith and trust in them.
The truth is, what do they know about us and what God has for us? Set
your own standards and watch others respect and follow you. You will
eventually develop a confidence that says, “I know who I am, I know
where I’m going, and I’m excited to be on the right path.” Stay focused.
Be consistent in who you are and just watch your reputation of respect
build.

I can recall when I first understood this profound lesson. When I was
growing up there were two middle schools. They both taught fifth
through eighth grades. I attended fifth and half of sixth grade at Central
Middle. There I was teased, picked on, my lunch money was taken, and I
was constantly threatened by the bullies. I was terrified. The only thing I
could think about was how I could fit in. What did I need to do to fit in?
How could I win these people over? Their reign of terror came to an end
when I moved to a new neighborhood, which required me to attend
William Henry Middle School.

As with most people, I was concerned about being accepted and liked.
I wondered if the kids would harass me as they did at the old school. But
I decided that that wasn’t going to happen. This was a new start for me
and I was going to build my reputation differently.
I wasn’t going to be the timid, “I don’t know what I want, you can take
advantage of me” person anymore. But when I got there, it was more than a
notion. Of course, there was the bully and her entourage waiting to put fear in my
heart.What was I going to do? I wasn’t a fighter. In fact, I feared fighting
even when I wasn’t the one fighting. But this was my moment. I had to
dig deep and find the courage to be me. This meant that I had to do what
I most feared doing — stand up for myself and make my position known.
Not only to them, but to myself.

The group of girls invited me to join their group. But I didn’t want to,
because I understood the consequences of being part of such a group. It
meant that there was one leader and everyone else were followers. If one
leader didn’t like someone, the rest of the group didn’t either. Being in
this group meant that someone else would dictate how I should feel and
act toward others. That wasn’t me. Those days were over! I wanted to be
me. I wanted to be friends with everyone. I tried to get these girls to
understand, but they turned on me. They started by trying to intimidate
me with the “I don’t like you” stuff. It didn’t work. So, they decided that
they were going to beat me up!

We were in gym class and each girl took
her turn hitting me in the back of the head as she ran by. I sat quietly and
watched the girls as they laughed and joked at me. Little did they know
that I was looking for the weakest link. I found her. When she ran by and
hit me, I got up and ran after her. I threw a few punches…thank God it
didn’t last long. Before I knew it, I was in the guidance counselor’s office.
No one could understand why “the good girl was fighting.” After that
incident, I never had to worry about being intimidated by my classmates
again. I did exactly what I said I was going to do. I became friends with
everyone. I was a leader. I was consistent, respectful, and fair to everyone.
I showed that I was a leader. And my classmates honored that. In fact,
two years later the student body voted me Queen and most popular, best
dressed, friendliest, and most reliable!”

I can’t say that my plan will work for every person, but what I do know for sure is that the greatest gift that we can offer our children is teaching them how to love themselves–that’s were the real power is. I also extend my prayers to the bullies and their families. This is not only your lesson this is a lesson for everyone. Hopefully this will change the educational experience every child.

© Copyright 2010. All rights reserved. S. Renee.