Tag Archives: disappointed

Is Your Pain Your Purpose?

In helping hundreds cross The Bridge, I’ve found that there is a direct connection between our pain and our purpose and/or passion. Clearly, since people are different, this may not be true for every person. It would be foolish for me to think that I have the solution for every person. But I know this: if we are attentive students, pain is a powerful teacher, and if we listen and learn the lessons we will be guided to exactly where we are meant to be.

My experience tells me that our purpose is our pain turned inside out. I’ve seen many people connect with and release their pain, enter into a new space, and focus their attention on providing a blueprint for others that heals a condition that once haunted them for years. The passion they have is unmatched. Conceivably, it’s because their painful experience robbed them of so much that they are driven to break its destructive power over others.

This is evident in the lives of people such as Oprah, Lady Gaga, and Suze Orman. By Oprah removing her own layers of family dysfunction and extreme poverty, as one of the richest and most recognizable persons in the world, she now helps others bring healing to themselves and creates ways to let their lessons help others. Using many gateways—television, radio, magazines, Internet, and philanthropy, she says of her venture to open a school for girls in South Africa, “I wanted to educate girls because I was a poor girl. A poor girl who grew up with my grandmother as so many of these girls do because of AIDS, now left to be raised by their grandmother. This has been a long time coming. This is not just for me some small idea; it is a supreme moment of destiny for me. I’ve been coming to this moment my entire life.”

©2011 All rights reserved. This is an excerpt from a chapter in The Bridge to Your Brand Likeability, Marketability, Credibility called Is Your Pain Your Purpose which is  available in paperback.  You can preview The Bridge at http://srenee.com/books_journals.htm.

Help! I’m Surrounded By Haters

Question:

I recently lost a lot of weight. I have lots more to lose and am losing it, but some people I thought were friends are not supportive. They were happier when I was unhealthy and unhappy. It’s hurting me. How do you suggest I handle the let down and pain?

Congratulations on your weight lost. It represents your ability to be disciplined and your desire to take ownership of your life. I celebrate with you. To your question, many people, including me, have had moments when we discover that the people that we choose to be our friends aren’t friends at all. Of course, it is hurtful, disappointing, and agonizing to think that we didn’t see or respond to the red flags before. Although it is difficult to understand, I encourage you to embrace it and thank God for it. This isn’t about them, this is about you. It is your gift. It is your lesson. If you point the finger at them, you will miss the opportunity to grow and discover new and exciting things about yourself. And, I assure you that, if you shift, you will be in position to attract to you friends that will embrace you for who you are.

Here is an excerpt from my book There Is More Inside that shares what I did when my “friends” turned their back on me.

DON’T LET REJECTION STOP YOU

Every person has to face and accept rejection throughout his or her
life. The important thing is to not take rejection personally. Sometimes
your friends don’t like you. Your boyfriend doesn’t like you or your boss
doesn’t like you. Some people in the church don’t like you. You’re not
light enough. You’re not dark enough. You’re not tall enough. You’re not
short enough. Your hair is too short. Your hair is too long. You’re too fat.
You’re too skinny. None of this is true, because your look is right for your
path. You are divinely made for your calling. You’re just right for your
purpose. So, with the power you have within you, rise above the haters.

My first major head-on collision with rejection came when I was
fifteen. I’m not saying this was my first encounter with rejection; just my
first major blow. When I was twelve I began developing what I thought
would be lifelong friendships with three other girls. We went to house
parties together, we shared secrets, we worked at McDonald’s together,
and we tried to teach each other everything we were learning along the
way. Nevertheless, after spending numerous hours talking about boys, sex,
tampons, and how to be beautiful, in a single day our friendship ended.
The story is short and simple. These girls came to me and said that
they could no longer be my friend because I was black. They said their
parents were putting pressure on them to dismiss our friendship. What’s
amazing is that I was able to deal with losing my best friends. I didn’t
even spend energy talking about it. I didn’t miss a beat. I decided they’re
entitled to pick their friends and if they want it to be based on color, so be
it. It was their loss. I knew that I was a true, loyal friend.
When you overcome rejection, as I did, you lose something and you
gain something. In every case, what I gained was so much greater than
what I lost. It didn’t always feel like it at the time, but when you look for
the good you’ll find it. This fact gives me comfort in each challenge that I
face.

There will be times when it seems that life is demanding more from
you than you think you’re able to give, but I believe it is God’s way of
showing us the strength He has placed in us. Most of us can’t even
conceive of what is in us.

Be well, There Is More Inside, S. Renee

Share your story. Join the conversation by leaving your comment below.

© Copyright 2010. All rights reserved.

ONLY IF LOVE TAKES YOU THERE

As a positive, focused, high-energy level four soul, I thought that the days of senseless agony and spiritual torment were long gone. But I recently experienced divine intervention and received spiritual enlightenment concerning a personal decision that I felt needed my immediate attention. In opening my spiritual senses to a fresh idea, I have found a new way of settling my spirit and getting a much needed good night’s sleep, even in the midst of facing pivotal life-changing decisions.

This year is a transitional year for me in both the spiritual and physical worlds. As I’m about to reach the completion of four decades on this side, I have found myself facing unexpected moments of uncertainty and emotional confusion. To bring calm back into my life, as always, I performed an internal self-check. I cleared out all thoughts and evaluated my own emotional and spiritual state. Once I thought that all systems were go, I asked myself: Renee, is this decision based on a deep rooted fear or is it based on your destiny? As I quietly sat in my meditation room and waited for God to respond in a profound, revolutionary way, I didn’t hear, feel, or see ANYTHING! This was unusual I thought, and, like many of us, I attached an explanation to the silence: “Wait on the Lord and be of good courage.” I never thought that I could be hindering God from communicating a very simple message to me.

With my perceived notions and high expectations of how God works and how to make a “good decision” I continued on my journey while being sub-consciously consumed with how I should proceed in this area of my life. As days passed I could feel my body becoming tense, anxious, and an unusual, long forgotten yet identifiable energy was surrounding me. No, it wasn’t the devil. It was my own whirlwind of conflicting thoughts swirling around me.

What started out as settle uncertainty began to mushroom into a full blown state of conscious anxiety. This was not good and I knew it. So, I raised my spiritual awareness to match the moment. In that instant, God made a simple, clear statement. He said, “Only Go There If Love Takes You There.” Ah, ha! I got it! God was teaching me a new way of making decisions. It doesn’t matter where you are going, what you are doing, or what decision you need to make, this is an uncomplicated formula. If the intent in your heart isn’t in harmony with love then you are going in the wrong direction.

What I now declare— as my truth— is that a person’s soul level doesn’t determine his or her experiences. The person’s soul level only determines how quickly and effectively it can acknowledge and apply spiritual weaponry, which is God’s favor and truth to the circumstance. If the truth that I have shared about “going only where love takes you” vibrates with your spirit and you want to use this prescription for successful decision making, then consider the following.

1. Ask yourself, “What am I doing (or saying) and how does it serve others?” Although many of us react to what another person says or does, I don’t believe that most people are intentionally malicious. I believe that many people who walk on the path “lack knowledge” and thereby suffer from a severe case of low self-esteem. When we don’t understand ourselves, we feel powerless. When we feel powerless we compare, complain, judge and try to manipulate others. What is in your heart? Why is it in your heart? How can you release your negative intent toward yourself and others and replace it with the light of love?

2. Ask yourself, “Do I freely offer my time, talents, and services without expectation of reimbursement?” World systems do not carry over into spiritual systems. When you do something with the anticipation of a returned favor, you may gain the favor, but miss the divine blessing from God. Check your intent. Do you spread hypocrisy by showing greater respect and care for certain people because of what they can offer you in return? Remember, Jesus did not come for those who are well; Jesus came for those who need a divine
healer. Why are you here? Who do you enthusiastically serve?

3. Ask yourself, “Am I being driven by love?” We say and do all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons. In some cases, we don’t know why we’re doing them. And in other cases, we do them for egotistical, self-gratifying reasons. Check yourself. Only go there if love takes you there!

S. Renee, The New Edge in Motivational Speaking™ is an image consultant, motivational speaker, columnist and author of There Is More Inside. For booking information visit www.srenee.com.Copyrights © 2010 by S. Renee Smith All rights reserved. No part of this article may be copied or reproduced without the written permission by the author