Tag Archives: Relationships

The Top Blocks to Assertiveness

After coaching thousands of entrepreneurs and employees, I’ve concluded that there are a number of factors that get in the way of becoming an assertive communicator. Among the top are a lack of self-awareness to discern that your communication style is a barrier to success, reluctance to ask for help, trouble asking for what you want, resistance to new ideas, and masking communication incompetence through text, email, or social media. Let’s look more closely at each.

Lack of Self-Awareness

As a part of my coaching services, I teach clients the art of negotiation. It doesn’t matter if you are a spouse, parent, employee, entrepreneur, manager, or friend—you are always negotiating. Negotiating is the process by which ideas and desires are shared with the intention of coming to a mutually satisfying agreement. When done properly with active, self-aware participants, both parties happily move for- ward, feeling valued and appreciated for who they are and the assets they bring to the relationship. This ideal situation happens when both parties understand assertive communication, but unfortunately, it is far from the norm.

Reluctance to Ask for Help

I’m sure you’ve heard the sayings, “Fake it until you make it” and “Act like you know.” They convey the message that it is better to pretend to know than to ask questions that expand your knowledge. This mind-set paralyzes your growth and leads to major mistakes, which can cause severe damage to your reputation and prospects for success. Not knowing how to do something is not a weakness. It takes a great sense of self to say, “This is a challenge. I need your help. Will you show me how to do this?”

Trouble Asking for What You Want

Nearly every client I’ve ever coached has been reluctant to express what they want in the negotiation process. For fear of being rejected or appearing greedy or needy, they downplay their real needs and desires and engage in an internal battle against their own sense of worthiness.

The reason for this internal struggle is a lack of confidence and clarity of their value in the relationship. They see the value of the other person as being greater. Whenever this happens, the other person will sense trepidation, and instead of continuing the interchange, will realize they have the upper hand and may use power-play language to move the conversation to a quick close.

Resistance to New Ideas

Making the decision to change isn’t enough. You have to be open to the process and exible in your thinking to bring about change. Wanting to change but being unwilling to consider alternate ways to get there can be quite challenging for some. For instance, my client Linda came to me with the expectation that I could help her expand her message and increase her income. She had what she believed to be a great idea that would help change the direction of health care. She was in search of a partnership with a major corporation.

Although I thought what she had to o er was of great value, my experience told me that her product was too risky and controversial for a company to take on. When I told her my perspective and o ered her di erent ways to reach her vision, she became o ended and decided to hire a di erent coach.

Nine months later, Linda called me and said, “After spinning my wheels for months and spending thousands of dollars, I need your help. I’d like to pursue one of the options you discussed with me previously.”

Masking Communication Incompetence

Rather than working on their conversational skills, many people avoid them entirely by resorting to electronic and other written communications. The reasons are varied: “I don’t like to sound like a salesperson, so I do my marketing by email”; “I don’t know how that person is going to respond, and I don’t want to be put on the spot, so I’ll communicate by text”; or “I want to present the best version of myself, and I can’t do that in person.” Text messages, emails, and social-media platforms are opportunities to escape the challenges of face-to-face dialogue.

Click the link to get your copy. 5 Steps to Assertiveness How to Communicate with Confidence and Get What You Want.  

Copyrights 2018 S. Renee Smith, www.srenee.com. For speaking or coaching services call 888-588-0423.

3 Reasons to Change Your Communication Style

YOU MAY BE thinking that your communication style is just part of who you are, but it is a skill learned like any other. You can change your style when you learn new skills, but you may be reluctant to make the effort. Let me give you three simple reasons to change:

1. Your relationships depend on it,

2. Your career success relies on it

3. Your lifelong happiness is de ned by it.

Does that help you rethink your resistance to change?

I know that change can be challenging, frustrating, and even risky at times. But stop for a moment and think about a time when you resisted change. What happened? Things around you changed anyway, didn’t they? Then you followed suit only to realize that if you had made the change, you would have been ahead of the game. And that’s what you want—to get ahead by knowing how to effectively communicate your way through any situation. There are few things that I can say with certainty in life, and this is one of them: You will gain command over your life as a result of assertively communicating.

Click the link to get your copy. 5 Steps to Assertiveness How to Communicate with Confidence and Get What You Want.  

Copyrights 2018 S. Renee Smith, www.srenee.com. For speaking or coaching services call 888-588-0423.

 

Communicate to Make People Feel Like They Matter

We live in a world driven by time lines, goals, expectations, and responsibilities. Nearly everyone is faced with the question “How do I manage, prioritize, and balance my life?” Stress is among the ill effects of a hurried society. In addition to wrecking your health, stress dilutes the quality of your communication experiences.

Time to communicate and connect is short, and you are often given short answers to complex problems. Meetings are filled with multitaskers who respond to email alerts while a colleague is presenting an idea. Relationships are plagued with silence while cyber games and Facebook feeds garner their mates’ attention.

Regardless of your schedule, when you fail to be fully present and only passively listen to a colleague, client, or family member, you disregard another human being. By making a task more important than a human being, you diminish your connection and ability to maximize your own performance by failing to create an amicable relationship with the person, whom you may need in the future.

Oprah Winfrey said, “People want to know: Do you hear me? Do you see me? Does what I say mean anything to you?” When you say yes to these questions and act on your yes, you validate a person’s existence, feelings, and opinions. When a person is speaking, it is imperative that they know that you are with them and that you compassionately understand what they are saying, even if you don’t agree with them.

The following four actions will improve your assertive listening and inter- personal relationship skills.

1. Ask “Is there anything else?” Listen until the person has completed their thoughts.

2. Ask Clarifying Questions Ask clarifying questions to solidify your understanding of what the person is saying. You can say, “For clarity, can you elaborate on what you meant by . . .” or “Help me to understand what you mean by . . .”

3. Validate the Speaker’s Feelings and Opinions Put the person at ease by validating that you understand what the person is feeling. Use compassionate statements like, “I can understand why you feel that way . . .” or “I can see how that could make you feel . . .” or “Under the circumstances, I see why you would think that . . .”

This is an excerpt from my book, 5 Steps to Assertiveness How to Communicate with Confidence and Get What You Want.  Click the link to order now.

Copyrights 2018 S. Renee Smith, www.srenee.com. For speaking or coaching services call 888-588-0423.